Boy Toy



Stop it

Stop it!

Stop chasing guys it’s disgusting!

 

when I was seeking attention

when I was needing approval

 

like, how was it so disgusting I was eighteen and

talking about guys one would have thought

was the supreme way to bond talking about

beautiful guys

like “Yes,

I’m a huge fan of the guys”

not sisterly disdain

 

so distasteful

cunt

fucking

jesus what is the matter with you that’s disturbed behavior

you have a sickness

and I did

 

all of us sickos

 

like when I was hanging with Clyde

and she was needing attention and I would

put on my steamiest guy shades and give it

 

like when I was listening to darling Véronique

succumb under sadness I shed my skin

became a manwoman to tell her how gorgeous she

and how one of a kind and yes, it would hurt

but hurt was a limited edition

like coke with lime

instead of vanilla or

cherry, their staples

 

like when I was pretending things were business as usual with Willow

when they clearly weren’t but neither knew how to lose the awkward

not talking about it manly and heartbreaking

 

like when I was doing myself in the morning and the dove cooed,

diligently, in the still bare maple while I was at it

 

like when I was remembering good times

like when I was certain I had love in my back pocket but

it was really a mirage

 

like when I was being redirected towards animal

animal

animal

animal, an anomaly

in life and life expectancy, and the mere gift of thought

was such I needed no further instruction

 

like when I was hiking my hike trail and

the lake was a brilliant onyx and lapis lazuli,

opaque and glasslike, the waves were

crashing very slowly and moving like

thick, brilliant concentrate

and instead of being afraid I was aroused by them,

their secret the secret of the moon and

the starting spring, and even my rubber boots

making wet sounds as I proceeded across

the marshland felt sensual, like I was being reborn

in that shoreline as a sex goddess

in my flannel shirt and bluejeans

Yankees cap and Roxy Music in headphones

sex goddess of the rural North

moving in the marshes towards the bluff

my lace panties wet between my legs

no one would think I was wearing

under the blue late afternoon sky

sex goddess reconnecting with nature

after hardships and failure, coming into my own

delivering my body from hellfire into pleasure,

and

about time, too.

 

Sadness doesn’t create long nor does it ever

become lifeforce more than a mouthful

 

Desire is a limitless well of energy.

 

 

 

Performed live for the very first time onstage at Virvatuliklubi, April 2026

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