How to Make an Influential Pancake

First, always make sure your eggs are fresh. Chefs have been telling us this since the dawn of time, and should you need more convincing, none other than the formidable Julia Child frowns upon eggs that aren’t fresh in her joyous and comprehensive cookbook Mastering the Art of French Cooking, a fantastic read for us modern ladies with no maids to give us a hand in the kitchen, written along with her French friends and colleagues Simone Beck and Louisette Bertholle.

Also, a fair warning: never ever make this dish with dishonorable intentions, or to show off, or looking down your nose at it in any way. Never prepare this dish to make someone fall madly in love with you, unless you are quite certain you know what you are doing.

Like another wise lady, to whom I dedicate this piece, says: be careful what you wish for.

Second, the magic isn’t in the flour mix, or in the exact amount of white sugar, or whether you use actual butter, or rapeseed oil, to lessen the calorie intake. Yes, I always make my pancake from the all-white, finest wheat flour, because mother taught me that was the flour to use, and what is spilled on the table must not be wiped out until the pancake is in the oven, for good luck to all the ladies of the house. To further complicate the recipe, I add a lot less white sugar to my own pancake batter than what I have written down in my young girl’s book of recipes from mother’s oral instructions as she was making her own mix. What I leave out, I make up for with the secret ingredient mentioned further below.

The richer the milk you use, the richer the batter, and more potent the spell, but I warn you against using only cream. Cream is not to be trusted as an ingredient in a spell or a potion; like syrup, it sometimes has a mind of its own and can either reverse your hoped outcome or just act as a neutralizer, so that all you really have in the end is a pancake.

There’s one thing to abide by, though. You should always make sure you use exactly the same amount of vanilla sugar, salt, the secret ingredient, and baking soda in your batter. This is the only thing that needs to be precise and in exact balance. Add too much vanilla sugar, and the poor subject of the spell will be all love-sick, writing saccharine poems in your honor, and showing up under your window at all hours, serenading you with self-made lyrics. Go crazy with salt, and they will in all likelihood be in a bad mood, and frustratingly bitter about seemingly nothing, for the next couple of weeks. And the baking soda, that’s the most dangerous ingredient of all. Too much baking soda causes terrible mood swings, and will probably make everyone start yawning inexplicably just after eating the dish.

Here’s what will make the spell work for you; how you will succeed in your task: The magic, after delicately having added a tiniest smidgen of the secret ingredient in your batter, is in the whipping. It not only tones the muscles in your arms nicely, it is also the key to how well your pancake will turn out. Whether you are right-handed, or a leftie, like me, always still make sure you whip the batter with both hands, alternating, until you just can’t whip anymore. It is the whipping process that will turn your dish into your own, it is this moment where you release your love to be woven into the other ingredients, and the longer you can manage to do it, the more certain the outcome. It can take three minutes, or ten, or fifteen, or however long. The longer you mix your batter with air, the stronger the spell. Of course, it is obvious that you shouldn’t be making this pancake if you are angry, or in any other negative mood. That, too, will be woven into your spell, and why would you want to do that to those you love? Because this is a spell to affirm and to ground the love you feel, to create a circle of love and trust, by making the pancake more than a sum of its parts, you should only make it out of pure love.

And this goes without saying: in order to truly whip some love and togetherness into your spell, never ever use an electronic mixer. That’s just crazy, and will make sure all the magic goes out of your relationship from with whomever you are planning on eating your pancake.

When you pour your batter into the baking tray, always pour it in the thinnest, gentlest possible stream, never taking your eyes off it until the bowl is empty. And whatever you do, never be so clumsy as to leave the secret ingredient out. If the batter is already in the tray, it’s too late to add some on. It is absolutely vital that the ingredient go in before you start the whipping process.

I always say about half an hour in 200 degrees, give or take. Be sure to check your creation every once in a while, to avoid burning. A burnt pancake can be just as dangerous as one made with cream instead of whole milk, or syrup instead of a white sugar and vanilla sugar mix.

If you follow these instructions closely, you will not only have an outstandingly delicious pancake in your hands after that thirtyish minutes, but this will become your signature dish, something you will be remembered by, because those who shared it with you will have had such a lovely time eating it and felt such lovely feelings in your kitchen. Those who have some or your magical pancake will love you all their lives, and will always remember your pancake as the best they ever had, never being able to just put their finger on what it was that made it stand out so deliciously and powerfully. This is a dish that will leave no leftovers. The whole baking tray will be eaten in one sitting.

For the pancake to turn out as expected, and for it to possess all the healing powers and magical qualities mentioned above, it must always be made by a woman. Always always. Get a man to do it, and all bets are off. I have no idea what would happen, since I have never risked it. In some matters of the kitchen, as well as the heart, and above all, practical sorcery, best leave it to the ladies.

And the secret ingredient? I’m not telling what it is. You already know, don’t you?

Happy International Women’s Day!

Dedicated to Alice Hoffman